Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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