Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
