well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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