Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
