I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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