fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
