look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize