I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
