sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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