i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
