now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
