Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
