You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
