I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
God, I missed his penis.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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