wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
