my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
