Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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