Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's never too late to be topless.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
