Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
