Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
