I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
