: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
