Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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