butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We got so high we made milksteak
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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