I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
