just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
