I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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