like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
