I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
