Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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