So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
