There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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