Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
