Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
false alarm. still invincible.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
