i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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