he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
