Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize