i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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