Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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