smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
