thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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