we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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