we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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