am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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