its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
