Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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