She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
