Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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