i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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