my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
