Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
