You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
