Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
