I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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