nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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