i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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