he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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