I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
