Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
