I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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