I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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