New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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