can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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