I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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