His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
