I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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