the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
