How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
don't judge my taste in strippers
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
