Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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