I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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