There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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