He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
