Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize