you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
