you have to choose: penises or morals?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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