Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
