I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
