I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
