Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize