i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
