At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
