I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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