I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
