Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
