Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
