This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
