My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
