I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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