The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
