i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just found puke in my bra..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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