I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
