My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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