we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
