maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
