I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
