He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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