I have demons in me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
