Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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