where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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