no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
