birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
