I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
