I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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