So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
